Telling your pets’ stories in a unique, ultra-derpy, and sublimely ridiculous cartoon format.
How it goes down: You send me a bunch of your favorite pet pics and a rundown of your critter’s silliest quirks/loves/ peeves, and I turn it into an 11”x 14” narrative portrait that shines a bright light on what makes your animals so special.
TO COMMISSION: Reach out over email at alanwiederbaddrawer@gmail.com or on insta @alanhwieder or @crappilydrawnpets.
Let’s create something craptastic together! My rates are fair and reasonable.
From Guinea Pigs to Actual Oinkers. All Critters Welcome to Join the Fun.
Hi, I'm the artist known as Alan Wieder Bad Drawer, and the founder of Crappily Drawn Pets.
Here at CDP we create comedic custom portraits of your faithful fursacks, drawing from the pets' real quirks and unique stories. Each portrait is a series of silly little vignettes — an offbeat and personalized narrative that will compel you see your animals in a whole new light.
Doggos, kitties (have one), fishies, hamsters, lizards, hedgehogs, horses, farm animals, bunbuns, raccoons, snakes, wombats, tarantulas, turtles (have one) and turtledoves -- all dingdongs make great subjects!
Have a look at some of my work and get in touch if you want a piece! xo
insta: @alanhwieder or @crappilydrawnpets
email: alanwiederbaddrawer@gmail.com
WHAT I OFFER
MULTI-SCENE CARTOON
On 11x14 mixed media paper, this is a narrative portrait composed of 4-6 heart-warming vignettes that bring your pet’s story (and interior monologue) to vibrant life, full of mishaps, foibles, and attitude. I work from about a dozen pics of your animals and a list of their funniest quirks to create the portrait, hoping to vividly capture their personalities.
SOLO PET PORTRAIT
A more focused, scaled-down, and intimate portrayal of your lil’ muffin in one singular drawing, available in a wide range of sizes. This is more portraiture than storytelling, though these solo cartoons do also feature funny captions and comedic themes. This can also be a group portrait capturing your entire crew, including human family members, no matter how numerous. A family portrait with some spin that allows your pet’s attitude to shine through.
JUST ABOUT ANYTHING
In my own rough-hewn style, I can tackle just about any commission, from wedding portraits to custom still-lifes, children’s books to marketing and branding materials, celebrity snapshots to babies. I really love babies.
meet the artiste
Under the banner Alan Wieder Bad Drawer, Alan has been creating sardonic — and pointedly crude — cartoons for over a decade. Best known for his EXES exhibit in Hollywood, which was a series of 16 portraits of his ex-girlfriends and became a highly successful book, his focus was on life’s endless letdowns, absurdities, and his personal sense of anomie. But in 2025, Alan pivoted to something more… cheerful… and founded Crappily Drawn Pets. Less than a year old, CDP has told the stories of thousands of animals through Alan’s singular amalgam of cartoonish scribbles, amateur animal psychology, and revealing and witty captions. Find Alan’s work on @alanhwieder or @crappilydrawnpets.